


Miracle

by CommanderTeatime



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dreams, Episode: s03ep17 Heavenly Fire, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Post-Break Up, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 10:32:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18444755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommanderTeatime/pseuds/CommanderTeatime
Summary: Alec can't sleep because Magnus isn't there beside him, though it's not like he expects him to be.So instead, he prays for a miracle.





	Miracle

**Author's Note:**

> I told myself to avoid writing an angsty coda because who wants to think about 3x18, right? But here I am. Adding to the pain.

When he closes his eyes he can feel Magnus on the other side of the bed, laying there on his side, having fallen asleep during a hushed conversation. He can feel Magnus’s fingers in the holes of his favorite black t-shirt, his hand rests against Alec’s hip, heavy and comforting. If he focuses, he thinks he can hear the sound of Magnus’s breathing shift as he slips into a deeper sleep. He can pretend that the reason he’s awake at four in the morning is because Magnus has decided to pull the blankets back over to his side of the bed. 

But none of it ever comes. 

The other side of the bed is cold and Alec curls his fingers in, hoping to catch some phantom feeling of Magnus’s presence. He wants the door to open, for Magnus to walk in after a phone call with Cat about all of the progress he hasn’t made. He wants Magnus to wake him up with a soft kiss, to feel him settle into bed and groan at the sound of Alec’s alarms in the morning. 

He knows better than to expect him, but his heart still does. 

So sleep never comes. 

If he closes his eyes he can see Magnus walk into the room at eight o’clock, a kind smile on his face, a softness in his steps. He greets Alec with a kiss and makes a teasing comment about the balcony that Alec has dedicated way too much time to decorating. He’s made an effort to make his small personal balcony to resemble the one they shared, but the fake plants from his office covered in Christmas lights fail to give them that. 

They talk and the world disappears. 

He tells Magnus about how proud he is, about how he knows it was painful and defeating to let go of Lorenzo’s magic. He coats his boyfriend in praise and glory that’s beyond what he’s capable of actually articulating. Alec knows it’s a dream, because for once Magnus doesn’t deflect his attempt to explain just how astounding Magnus really is. 

Alec takes the chance, the miracle, and bears his heart to the man. 

 

_ “You give your life to others and never expect anything in return. You’ve saved me, Jace, Izzy, Clary, Luke, and not once did you ever ask us for anything, even when we were capable of giving something to you--”  _

_ The smile on Magnus’s face, the soft blush of feeling good about himself makes Alec feel warm. His fingers find Alec’s. “That’s not true. I still own your bow and arrow, Alexander.”  _

_ “You own more than that.” Alec stands and moves to the floor in front of the love of his life. He takes the ring from his pocket. “I want to give you me, all of me.” His fingers open the small silver box, the ring looks warm in the candlelight. “If you’ll accept me.” _

 

His thoughts never progress that point. Even now the insecurities nag at his silly thoughts, at what could have and should have been. He knows that magic or not, Magnus would’ve said no to him. 

He likes to think that he would’ve taken the rejection with grace. Alec had accepted the chance the moment he had asked for the ring. It was never his intention to put the stress of a decision on Magnus’s mind, just to explain to him how important and loved he is.

Alec brings his arm back to himself.

He’s certainly taken his own actions with grace.

 

_ They’re standing in his room, Magnus has already changed clothes twice with the snap of his fingers. He’s wearing a dark jacket, his hair perfectly in place, eyeliner flawlessly accenting his eyes. His hands are in Alec’s, warm and soft, glowing with magic. He's already said so much, and Magnus, too, but they've found this odd silence between them, hearts already so broken. _

_ Alec’s hand slips from his and into the pocket of his own coat. He pulls out the ring he had meant to give Magnus the night before and places it in Magnus’s hand.  _

_ “You can do much better than me, but I can’t do better than you.”  _

 

Alec thought about his phone. He knew that it was wrong of him to want to check it, to see if Magnus had said anything to him in the time since they had parted. He took it from his nightstand and swiped away notifications from Words with Friends, his Institute email, and a text from Jace asking if he was okay. 

Maybe he can delude himself into sleep, pretending that the last time Magnus had said ‘I love you’ wasn’t sent a few days ago, but a few hours ago. 

There’s nothing new. Alec stares at the picture of Magnus he has in his contacts-- he’s hunched over his desk, a bottle of pixie teeth in his hand, and he’s squinting at it like an old crone. He’s smiling. 

The last message is one that Alec had sent, asking where Magnus was at 8:26 pm. 

Alec supposes he still doesn’t know where Magnus is. 

He had been so happy. He hadn't even questioned his magic's return. He had called it a _miracle_. 

 

_ Magnus had tracked him to Brooklyn and nearly knocked him down with a hug. It was whiplash to see Magnus burrow into blankets, tired and hungover, to now full of life and ideas that made Alec’s head spin. Alec had nearly forgotten that this was the Magnus he had once been used to.  _

_ “First, I’ll take us to Peru. I know how badly you’ve always wanted to go. We’ll celebrate the whole night there, then to Venezia, I’ve been dreaming of San Martino for too long. The world can’t wait, Alexander.”  _

_ Alec had let Magnus kiss him, his magic had buzzed at the touch. He knew that it was their last and he wanted nothing more than to drown in it. He had pulled away with tears already burning in his eyes.  _

_ “I can’t. I can’t and I can’t tell you why.”  _

_ Magnus’s hand had found his face, soothing him with a soft touch. “We’ll stay at the Institute, then, have that dinner that I destroyed. I’ll bring better wine and we can celebrate a miracle.”  _

 

A miracle. 

Alec tosses his phone onto the bed and looks at the emptiness beside him. He closes his eyes and prays for a miracle.


End file.
